In these past couple of weeks the theme of fear kept coming up a lot in conversations that I would have but also in my everyday life. I’ve recently found out (amongst many revelations) and accepted that I am scared of a lot of things that are truly out of my control. Before I go too far with this, let me first tell you about my greatest fear: FALLING. I would’ve said failing but falling best describes what I fear the most. Falling from success, falling in love, falling from a height, falling from space, falling into/from/out of/etc. This doesn’t mean I have not experienced what falling feels like, it just didn’t feel great. And yes, I am confident that I can start over, I would just rather not have to.
A tweet was posted asking people what lyrics brings them goosebumps, and someone quoted “oceans” by Hillsong and honestly this is my favorite part too:
“ Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my fear could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my savior . ”
As I talked about what my fears were with friends or family, I realized that I wasn’t alone. I asked my mother what her fears were in life and upon hearing her I teared up a little on the phone. I am growing to see a lot of me in her. She then told me that if she had focused too much on her fears growing up, she wouldn’t have made it to where she is. She then said that faith kept a lot of those fears at bay. She said praying too helped. I understood her. Everyone’s journey in life is different but we all need something to believe in. A higher power. We need some hope. Some things are just above us. There’s only 24hrs. There’s a limit to what a human being can do. Yes, we’ve gotten to Mars before but no human is creating a whole universe or even a planet. We cannot replicate the sun to its smallest details. I find it hard to ask for help, I like figuring things out by myself and sometimes it’s hard to humble myself and ask for help from the universe, from God (in my case).
Jay electronica said in one of his lyrics:
“ The universe is listening, be careful what you say in it.”
I have always said that I wanted to be a writer at a very young age. I am now working on something that truly scares me. It’s not just about being vulnerable, it’s the process of it all that makes me feel like staying indoors instead of going to the library or the small café near the metro and get it done. Fear is crippling but giving up on a life you’ve dreamed for yourself is a high price to pay. Have faith. Keep hope.
I am sorry you’re scared about certain things. I am too. I am sorry you’re worried about how life will turn out. Saame.It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to be unsure. It’s okay to just try. It’s okay to take your time. It’s okay to catch your breath. Just wanted you to know the universe is listening. Tell it about your biggest dreams and fears. Let it do its part.
In the meantime, I am proud of you. You’ve gotten this far despite everything life has thrown at you.
You are loved.