First things first : HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
I’ve been putting off writing this blog post for almost a month now, it’s one of those things that hit home and you try to avoid saying them out loud yet here we are 😊
A couple of months ago I was talking to my good friend as we were debating on whether she should do something or not. I quoted Marilyn Monroe:
…And never have regrets because at one point everything you did was exactly what you wanted.
I was basically telling her that although we both knew it wouldn’t turn out the way we wish it would, that in the end she’d have done what she wanted.
I’ve always been the type of person that if I wanted to do something for realz I would do it knowing damn well it isn’t the right thing to do. The only question that matters in that moment is “How bad can this be?” and as long as I can handle or take responsibility for the worst case scenario, I go for it. Talk about testing fate ! I hadn’t realized this until recently as I was speaking to an older woman about right/wrong situations, she paused for a second and calmly asked “How is it that you can know that something is bad and still want to go ahead and do it anyway.” I remember thinking: you got a point though!
I went home this Christmas and visited my bestie. As we were sitting on the balcony, her (guy) friend said, “I’ve never understood how a girl can be with a guy she knows will not treat her the way she deserves to be treated, yet move along and date him anyway.” I remember having chills like damn he went there!
There’s a lot of things/memories/moments I am not proud of and some that make me cringe. I often ask myself : “what were you thinking?”, “But you knew better though?”, “how did you get there”, etc.
Living oceans away from my family has given me plenty of time to figure life out for my little self. I’ve had to find out who I was and what I wanted out of life. This is still an ongoing process but lately I’ve been thinking about forgiveness.
It makes sense to forgive someone who has wronged you by “accident”, but how do you go about forgiving someone you know and has admitted “yes I wanted to hurt you, can you forgive me?” In this later situation you might need a drink or two.
Now. Tell me, how are you supposed to forgive yourself for “situations” that you knew weren’t going to turn out right? TRICKY!
As I quoted Marilyn Monroe to my good friend, it was as though I had finally found an answer:
EVERYTHING I DID was exactly what I WANTED.
Next time someone tries to use situations against you saying things like “how could you let that happen?”, “how could you be so stupid” etc ( I personally wouldn’t even answer cuz iss nobody’s business but jic –>)
You can simply say “ Yes, it didn’t turn out so well but at the time, it was exactly what I wanted. And that’s okay.”
There are few things I hope for you and I…this new year…of 2018
I want us to start doing/being better in 2018, not for anything or anybody but for ourselves. I wish for us to get to a point where we don’t purposefully sabotage our future and that instead we engage in self-care and self-love like never before. I pray we focus on securing our bag in 2018.
I guess tonight as I write this all I’m trying to say is,
Thank your past.
Embrace your present.
Secure your future