A couple of weeks ago I was home with my cousin, we were talking about life-changing decisions that someone we knew very well had taken. Very few were pleased that it became a subject of long discussions. I sat and heard his point of view as well as what he thought would have been a better alternative, which was quite reasonable. I went on and asked him, “ If you were in her shoes, if you had her past, if you were given the same entourage, if you had lost what she’s lost, if you’d been through what she’s been through, if you could feel what she could feel, etc. Do you truly believe you would have done anything different than what she’s doing now?”
In her book ‘A return to love’ Marianne Williamson wrote:
It can be very hard to let go of your perception of someone’s guilt when you know that by every standard of ethics, morality, or integrity, you’re right to find fault with them…If you’re judging a brother, you’re wrong even if you’re right…But God doesn’t need us to police the universe. Shaking your finger at someone doesn’t help them change. If anything, our perception of someone’s guilt only keeps them stuck in it…Treating someone with compassion and forgiveness is much more likely to elicit a healed response.
If me and you can both admit of not being capable of taking advice from strangers about our lives, then surely we can understand why someone is less likely to accept our advice unless they feel loved or better yet understood. It is critical to understand the path that has brought someone where they are before asking to lead them in any way.
If I were to be a prostitute and perhaps it was due to a lack of finances, childhood abuse, rejection from family and so much more, unless you could understand all the above you would just ask me to quit and find a job and maybe that didn’t end up well in the past; a lack of information invites a lack of communication.
Let’s pretend this time you had found me in the streets and brought me food, complimented me, and over time loved me, I would feel secure enough to open up. Through the love that you would have given me, I would find enough courage to value myself above my circumstances and hence make a decision to better my life.
As Sarah Jakes Roberts wrote in her book ‘Lost and Found’:
“We’re all one heartbreak away from bitterness, one bad decision away from calamity.”
No one is perfect for sure, some are just closer than others to perfection. Your choice to judge, gossip, and hate on someone will not win you prize nor title. When you chose to pour love into the world and embrace all people from all walks of life, you already have won at heart.
Now tell me,
Will you love them back to life?