A while back, as we were talking, I found myself daydreaming about all the things I wanted to achieve in my lifetime and as I got to the part where I was telling him about my passion for writing poetry, novel and short stories he grew quiet then I said something along the lines of “I’m sorry I just always wanted to be a writer but anyway” he quickly reassured me and said “No Mo’ that’s beautiful.” In that moment I realized that for the longest time I had carried my passion as if it was a burden, as if it was something I should be ashamed of.
I came across this poet Joe Brock who shared on Instagram a screenshot of a message:
Idk man it just makes me so so sad when you’re watching a cutipie talk about their passion like when they light up and start bubbling over with words and then all of a sudden they stop themselves and say stuff like “sorry, I know this is boring” or “sorry I just got excited” like you know somewhere in their life someone they respected told them “shut up nobody cares” and ever since then they can’t talk about their favourite things without apologising every 5 seconds.
My first time writing I was 8 and drafting a novel, I had about 30 pages in my notebook done. It got burned it. I stopped. Each of my attempts to writing in different genres was met by resistance from my surroundings but also from fear deep within. I’m unlearning so many things as I grow into the woman I always wanted to be and it’s not easy to quit the familiar and step into the unknown. It’s not easy to choose to not listen to people that you would otherwise trust. It’s not easy to be unapologetic, take risks, and go against the wind.
Let’s be honest here it’s neither easy to pretend to be someone when you’re not, it’s not easy to sit and be what the world or your teacher or you parent or your spouse or friends wants you to be but it is comfortable because it’s what many of us have known for a long time.
In her book ‘Lost and Found,’ Sarah Jakes Roberts wrote:
I wish I could have seen choosing to protect myself as a viable option
Instinct is quite fascinating but often ignored by many, the term “when you know, you know” couldn’t be any truer especially in our lives. Each one of us has a purpose attached to our being and just like a fingerprint, unique to us. No one will come to you and tell you that dancing, singing, bargaining, preaching, teaching or anything is your purpose but many will come affirming what you already know to be true from deep within you.Unfortunately, there are also those who will come telling you who, what and where you should be according to their own agenda and they will come in all forms, shapes and sizes from family to friends, lovers to strangers and more but how far you are willing to go for what you want will determine how their words and actions will affect you.
The universe is not against you, it all comes down to whether you are willing to protect your whole self instead of subjecting it to the fears and insecurities of those who claim they know better about you. Now tell me,
What did you apologize for?